He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
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Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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