im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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