i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So. Much. Porn.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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