I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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