I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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