hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
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I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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