i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize