I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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