How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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