My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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