ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize