So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize