I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
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let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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