I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
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