well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize