Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
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So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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