just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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