And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
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seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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