I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize