no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
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Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize