dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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