Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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