I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
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Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
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The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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