Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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