I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize