i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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