If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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