I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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