woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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