Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
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I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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