nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
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The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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