covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
