Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
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oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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