I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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