i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
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Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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