your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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