How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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