should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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