The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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