Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
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And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
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