god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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