I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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