oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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