it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
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he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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