where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
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Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
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Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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