woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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