just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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