I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize