We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
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So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
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He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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