im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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