Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize